Tag Archives: divorce

Humble Beginnings

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o11wY_SAz90

Every life is like a book with a beginning, middle and end.  However, sometimes portions of life doesn’t make sense until insight is provided from the future.  As for me, its clear that I started from humble beginnings.  Born with a severe speech impediment, life didn’t seem very fair.  In addition, I was accident prone, crashing face first into the pavement on my bike, breaking my leg in two pieces after jumping from an above ground pool and having the tip of my pinky finger caught in a car door.  These events summed up my early days on earth.

Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted, Matthew 23:12.

However, little did I know that all these things likely occurred to keep me from becoming full of myself.  As my athletic talents began to blossom, strange occurrences immediately followed crowning moments.  Appendicitis, a complete ligament tear and head on collision prevented me from becoming a prideful person.  Looking back, perhaps my analysis is incorrect, but something in my soul makes me believe these trials kept me humble.  Furthermore, this experience helped me realize that my talents are on loan from God.

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble,” James 4:6.

Like me, Jesus also came from humble beginnings.  When his future father, Joseph, was about to divorce Mary, God intervened.  Yet, Jesus was born into poverty, forced to work hard as a carpenter to make a living.  Growing up in Nazareth, a town with a terrible reputation, Jesus had a lot to overcome.  Nonetheless, when the appointed time arrived, God the Father raised his Son up to find favor on earth.  May those of you enduring hard times currently, remember the promise of humility, that those who are humbled will be lifted up!

by Jay Mankus

Why Blogging Should Be A Lifelong Pursuit

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAq52lBtsXc

In the second Ultimate Gift movie the narrative shifts toward the life of Red Stevens, a billionaire in the oil business.  After Jason Stevens’ girl friend abruptly leaves, Red’s grandson seeks the council of Mr. Hamilton played by Bill Hobbs, the firm’s attorney.  During this conversation Hamilton loans Jason Red’s diary, an account of his rise to the top.  Along the way, Red journals each life lesson beginning as a young teenager.  This daily exercise gave birth to the ten gifts Jason faces in the first film.

“Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him,” 2 Samuel 12:4.

Another illustration of writing can be found in Fireproof starring Kirk Cameron.  When his marriage hits the skids, Caleb Holt, Kirk’s character, considers divorce until a near death encounter changes his heart.  Desperate to salvage his marriage, Caleb turns to his father for advice, who suggests following a forty day Love Dare Challenge.  Early on, Caleb goes through the motions until God transforms his heart.  Fighting a losing battle with pornography, these recorded words provide a blueprint to overcome a life void of purpose.

David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the LORD lives, the man who did this must die! – 2 Samuel 12:5

When individuals take the time to contemplate, reflect upon life and question their beliefs, pioneers of literature are born.  During my years of taking seminary classes, I found myself drawn to Augustine of Hippo.  Augustine regularly spent time in his backyard, relaxing his mind by observing his garden.  In this quiet place, a theologian was spawn connecting the dots between life, philosophy and biblical principles.  According to Jerome, Augustine’s practice of documenting his beliefs established anew the ancient faith.

He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity, 2 Samuel 12:6.

Today, the closest thing to a diary is blogging.  Although motives for writing are different, words serve as a map of where you are, where you’re going and show where you have been.  After beginning a pursuit to become a screen writer in my free time, I thought about ending this blog, blazing a trail in a different direction.  However, during a car ride on Thanksgiving Eve, I now feel called to continue this for life.  Though my topics may be sporadic, this daily habit helps me keep in touch with my soul as I express myself for Him.

by Jay Mankus

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man!” – 2 Samuel 12:7a

Now and Then

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNhJMoiRnis

Its hard to believe that on this day twenty years ago I married Leanne Marie Wagner.  Having a wedding in Chicago two days after Thanksgiving can be risky, at the mercy of the weather.   An unwelcomed winter storm could have arrived at any time, but on November 25th, 1995 the Lord was on our side, blessing us with sun and a fifty degree day.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord, Proverbs 18:22.

Most wedding vows include the phrase “for better or for worse.”  This term appears within the marriage service section of the Common Book of Prayer.  Published in 1549, the concept of persevering with a marriage til death due us part can be traced back to the late 1300’s.  Unfortunately, sticking with your spouse throughout one’s life get’s harder and harder as modern cultures have accepted and embrace divorce as a viable option.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, Ephesians 5:25.

While premarital counseling is a good place to start, you’re never really fully prepared for marriage.  The intimacy of marriage reveals all of your imperfections, leaving individuals vulnerable, at the mercy of your mate.  In addition, time has a way of adding weight, losing luster and deteriorating parts of your body.  Anyone can be in love on their honeymoon, but true love takes an unyielding will.  Thus, now and then, I vow to keep my promise to my wife Leanne until death due us part.

by Jay Mankus

 

Waking Up to a Whole New World

Twenty years ago, adult, controversial and risque commercials appeared after dark, when most children were asleep.  The culture was much more conservative, careful not to corrupt the innocence of youth.  Unless you are living in denial, today everything is fair game, waking up to a whole new world.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us, Romans 5:8.

Social media is setting the pace daily, led by what’s trending on Twitter, followed by the latest eye catching video on Youtube.  Subsequently, a new generation lives by an entirely new set of standards, distant from the ethics of the Bible.  What once was wrong has become mainstream, normal to an accepting society, open to news ways of thinking.

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them, James 4:17.

Caught in the middle, the church is forced to balance grace with truth.  Although kinder and gentler, its difficult for those raised in the Fire and Brimstone Era to get past obvious sins.  Thus, when a microphone is put in front of a pastor’s face or as the camera rolls, its hard not to portray these individuals as judgmental, void of the love of Christ.  Despite what Christians believe about abortion, homosexuality and divorce, its better to demonstrate faith rather than shoving your beliefs in someone’s face.  Waking up to a whole new world will require an emphasis on living examples of Jesus to reverse these trends and possibly inspire a revival throughout the land.

by Jay Mankus

 

 

Sitting on the Sidelines or Fighting to the End?

Take, take, take.  A common theme in an ever increasing selfish world.  When communities, churches or marriages begin to fall apart, most sit along the sideline watching the situation deteriorate.  Meanwhile, few have the strength to fight to the very end.

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace, 1 Peter 4:10.

From 2010 through the present, I’ve witnessed two special relationships end.  The first was a special church family that I became entrenched in, serving as an elder for six years and teacher for another ten years at its adjacent high school.  While many abandoned Red Lion as it first started to take on water, I tried my best to do what I could.  Although, I probably should have been more outspoken initially, the odds were stacked against me.  In the end, the church closed its doors and the school was sold to another denomination, causing several colleagues, including myself to lose their job.

It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many, Matthew 20:26-28.

The second divorce began as the first became final.  The baseball league that my sons played in under went a similar myriad of trials.  Trying to prevent an identical ending, I spent two years investing my time in the youth of Greater Newark.  Like a M.A.S.H. unit, the efforts I provided extended the life of the league for a couple of years.  Stepping aside to allow the next generation of parents to lead, most have passed the buck, unwilling to save this sinking organization.  While GNBL’s future is bleak, my only question is who will get off their butt, move beyond the sidelines and fight to the very end?

by Jay Mankus

How Would You Respond to This?

Like most men, I’m not as emotional as my wife, nor do I get involved in the lives as others like she does.  However, today I witnessed something gut-wrenching.  On my out of a local restaurant, I saw an elderly man with his head down on a table.  Continuing toward the exit, I noticed the reason for his grief on the other side of the glass, a lone suitcase on the floor.

Before the days of retirement communities, families took care of and watched over their grandparents.  This wasn’t a nuisance or something to dread, rather it was expected.  This was the least you could do to pay homage to the legacy each lived.  Unfortunately, this man is a casualty of the times, a victim of families destroyed by abuse, abandonment and divorce.  With no where to go, this broke man took a break from his misery, hoping to wake up with a place to call home.  How would you respond to this situation?

Before my eyes was a modern day parable of the good Samaritan, Luke 10.  Immediately following the sending out of 72 disciples, they were put to the test to see what they were made of.  As for me, I re-enacted the character of the priest and Levites, pausing before moving on with my life.  Disappointed by my failure, I pray that a good Samaritan arrives to lend a helping hand.  When you face a similar scene, how will you respond to this?  May the Holy Spirit fill you with a heart of action to be the hands and feet of Christ to the brokenhearted.

by Jay Mankus

 

 

P.A.I.N.

As I was struggling to fall asleep, the following acronym popped into my head: Previous Accidents Impacting Nerves.  With 2 broken ribs, a lacerated liver and lungs still not functioning as they should, pain is something I must overcome if I want my health to be restored fully.   Unfortunately, pain often influences individuals in a negative manner, leading to changed attitudes, behavior and unhealthy patterns.

For instance, once a solider completes his or her tour of duty, no one fully understands the hell they endured except for their squadron or team.  Thus, when the John Rambo’s of America’s armed services return home, fitting in takes time and for some, adjusting to the spoiled brats of today’s culture never happens.  Nightmares depict a living video game, without a happy ending or reset button to start life over.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKSKcGSAuXY

Meanwhile, pain is something a husband and wife can never fully grasp once a decision to divorce fatally wounds the souls of their children.  Blaming themselves, many youth across this country cry themselves to sleep, praying that mom and dad will change their mind.  The unborn child doesn’t receive a voice, discarded in dumpsters daily as mothers can only think of what could have been.  Pain is not a pleasant topic to address, yet without tackling these issues people of faith won’t learn to endure hardship as they should, 2 Timothy 2:3-5.  As previous accidents impact your own nerves, come to Jesus for relief, nurturing your soul as you cope with these ongoing pains, Matthew 11:28-30.

by Jay Mankus

A Family Christmas

The origin of Christmas is based upon the words found in the gospel of Luke 2:1-7.  In a sense, the census issued by Caesar Augustus forced a family reunion of sorts.  However, in this case, “everyone went to his own town to register,” Luke 2:3, back to your home town where relatives were born and raised.  Thus, Mary and Joseph rode on a donkey from Nazareth to Bethlehem nicknamed the City of David creating the first Christmas traffic jam.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xqACmJvqaU

Like finding a cheap hotel in Dover, Delaware during Race Weekend, Joseph didn’t have a prayer.  With the odds stacked against him, Joseph begged, pleaded and sought out a hole in the wall motel.  This dive was filled with manure, cold drafts and the constant noise of animals.  Yet, in this desolate place, the world welcomed a Savior, who came to seek and to save that which was lost, Luke 19:10.  When the shepherds arrived, the first Christmas concert was performed by angels, praising God for the miracle of life.

Today, Christmas has become a day where families reunite, if only for a day, meal or weekend.  Putting the past behind, its a time of reflection, thanksgiving and worship.  Despite the distractions of parades, sporting events and more shopping, Christmas wouldn’t be the same without family.  Maybe this is why death, divorce and orphans struggle to find peace on this sacred day.  Regardless of where this holiday may lead you in 2013, let me be the first to say, “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”

by Jay Mankus

Roxanne

 

The song Roxanne was re-released by the Police in Europe after the band’s popularity gained some traction.  The lyrics of this song was inspired during a walk Sting took through the red light district while visiting Paris.  Initially, the band thought their manager Miles Copeland would not like this non-typical song, imagining what it would be like to fall in love with a prostitute.  As history unfolded, American listeners were introduced to Roxanne 4 years later through Police’s Synchronicity album in 1983.

 

Sting was not the only person intrigued by prostitutes as Matthew 9:9-13 conveys the audience Jesus concentrated on during his 3 year ministry.  Jesus recognized that the healthy and righteous did not need his help.  Thus, he spent his time outside of the disciples meeting with sinners like a divorced woman in John 4, another caught in adultery in John 8:1-11 and 2 different prostitutes named Mary.  Although his own disciples did not understand Jesus’ reason for accepting prostitutes like  John 12:1-8, he was a living example of compassion, forgiveness and love.

 

More than ever, there is a great disconnect within American culture.  People dress differently, pierce multiple body parts and express themselves like never before in our lifetime.  As a result, walls of prejudice, stereotypes and a wide range of beliefs have separated people before you even get to know them.  Like a prostitute, who get’s strange looks from observers, preconceived opinions prevent strangers from ever exchanging words.  May the love of Jesus, John 3:16-17, inspire individuals to display genuine concern like Sting to the Roxanne’s you encounter in life.

by Jay Mankus

The Brady Bunch Generation

One might say Sherwood Schwartz was a pioneer, conceiving a sitcom for blended families well before society was willing to accept divorce.  Inspired by a 1965 column in the Los Angeles Times, Schwartz developed a vision for a show which took 3 girls and their mother played by Florence Henderson, joining them together with Robert Reed who had 3 boys of his own from a previous marriage.  When you add Alice, a live in maid staring Ann Davis, the Brady Bunch was born.  This suburban family related to average citizens, coping with the same struggles a parent, teenager and sibling face daily.  As shows like Little House on the Prairie became unrealistic, not achievable anymore, the Brady Bunch’s success led to 117 episodes from 1969-1974.

My favorite episode illustrates the battle which exists between brothers, Greg and Peter, who end up drawing a line down the middle of their room, attempting to distinguish who owned what.  Relying on emotions, not wisdom, their joint decision is not well thought out as Greg has complete control of the bathroom, yet only Peter has access to the hallway door.  Unfortunately, some people never mature, participating in ridiculous feuds over animals, children and possessions.  This moral decay continues today as a typical two parent family with one mom and one dad is now a minority, on the verge of becoming obsolete.  The Brady Bunch Generation has placed its stamp on American culture, embracing the imperfections so prevalent within mankind.

Genesis 31:1-2 reveals the beginning of a Brady Bunch like dispute between Laban and Jacob, whose name is later changed to Israel.  This tiff causes Jacob to flee without talking out his differences, like a child trying to run away from home in Genesis 31:17.  Laban pursues Jacob, eager to get things off his chest, Genesis 31:26.  Like a good solider, Jacob quietly waits for his turn to respond, beginning to rumble like a volcano ready to blow, Genesis 31:35-42.  Previously afraid of confrontation, Jacob releases his feelings which had been stored up for over 20 years.  Once both men had spoken their mind, this exchange sets the scene for an unique peace treaty in Genesis 31:43-55.  Instead of using tape to divide their territories, Laban and Jacob decide to use a heap of stones, creating a pillar.  This structure laid the boundary, similar to modern day property lines, agreeing not to intrude on the others’ life anymore.

This episode and biblical account reveal several great life lessons.  First, communication is crucial to maintaining peace with friends, family and neighbors.  Second, expressing your emotions allows you to let go of any grudge or resentment that you may have toward an individual.  Finally, when you bring other witnesses into your dispute, this serves as accountability down the road to prevent you from repeating the same mistake over again.  No one can ever achieve perfection, but if you give God your best, Matthew 5:48, He can make the rest of your days on earth like a story book ending, at least as good as life can get.

by Jay Mankus