Tag Archives: blame

If I had to take an honest assessment of my goals in life  and compare this with how I actually spend my time, my actions display a lack of hunger to make my American Dream a reality.  While playing on a  Florida mini-tour in 1995, I met several individuals who were willing to risk everything, sacrificing food, shelter and wants to one day make the P.G.A. Tour.  Clearly, they wanted it more than me as some ate peanut butter and jelly 3 times a day, 7 days a week, a few lived in their cars and many more worked the night shift so they could play in golf tournaments during the day.  In essence, I’m the only one to blame for not fulfilling this desire of my heart.

Nearly 20 years later, I not willing to let another dream slip through my hands.  Back in the late 90’s, I had a 45 minute phone conversation with Max Lucado’s editor, set up by a mutual friend who owned a Christian Bookstore.  At the time, I was a freelance writer trying to break through, asking as many questions as possible without being rude.  Two of his statements serve as a glimmer of hope for this amateur author: “If you want to get noticed, the average professional writes full time for 7 years before getting paid or if you can only afford to do this part time, you must be willing to invest 15 years of your life.”  Over the past 3 years, I am in the process of paying my dues, with over 700 daily articles, 1 complete 90 minute movie script and currently a third of the way through my first book called Behind the Devil’s Door.  Though I could probably devote more time to writing each week, this time around the block I want it more than ever.

In Psalm 27:4, King David asks a similar question, but from a spiritual perspective: “How badly do you want to spend time with God?”  Are you happy with your current relationship or are holding back, not ready to commit fully to the Lord?  Based upon verses 1-3, if you are afraid, faithless or weak, you’re likely missing essential pieces.  What’s holding you back, keeping you from experiencing the presence of the Holy Spirit daily?  Perhaps you don’t want God as bad as He longs to be with you, Luke 15:20.  May the words of Matthew 6:33-34 provide the assurance you need to re-prioritize your life as soon as possible.  While every human feels the pain of unfulfilled dreams, I pray that gazing upon the beauty of the Lord will transform your perspective on life.  Your actions in the days that follow will answer the question, how bad do you really want it?

by Jay Mankus