Tag Archives: marriage

Learning to Celebrate the Present

 The spirit of envy has a way of convincing individuals that their life doesn’t measure up to others.  When compared to this co-worker, that neighbor and everyone’s favorite relative, your life disappoints, leaving depression which hovers over the human soul.  Instead of finding contentment in the life you are living, jealousy urges people to turn their eyes toward the other side of the fence where the grass always seems greener.

 

Yesterday, I attended a wedding of a friend I had done some work for in the past year.  Since I had to work my current job leading up to the afternoon ceremony, I didn’t have any expectations.  Rather, I came with an open mind, free from any preconceived judgments or stereotypes.  I was there to simply support my friend and wife to be.  As a result, my heart was fertile, ready to receive the message of the pastor.

Before the exchange of vows,  a 5 minute sermonette explained why this couple stood at the altar.  Entitled A Witness to Christian Marriage, these words were profound, convicting me of the life I had been living.  Over the last 3 years, I have glorified my past, bypassed the present and hoped for a brighter future.  In the malaise of my unemployment, I neglected to celebrate the present.  Thanks to this amazing invocation, God has inspired me to be thankful for my past, embrace the future and learn to celebrate the here and now of life!

by Jay Mankus

The Brady Bunch Generation

One might say Sherwood Schwartz was a pioneer, conceiving a sitcom for blended families well before society was willing to accept divorce.  Inspired by a 1965 column in the Los Angeles Times, Schwartz developed a vision for a show which took 3 girls and their mother played by Florence Henderson, joining them together with Robert Reed who had 3 boys of his own from a previous marriage.  When you add Alice, a live in maid staring Ann Davis, the Brady Bunch was born.  This suburban family related to average citizens, coping with the same struggles a parent, teenager and sibling face daily.  As shows like Little House on the Prairie became unrealistic, not achievable anymore, the Brady Bunch’s success led to 117 episodes from 1969-1974.

My favorite episode illustrates the battle which exists between brothers, Greg and Peter, who end up drawing a line down the middle of their room, attempting to distinguish who owned what.  Relying on emotions, not wisdom, their joint decision is not well thought out as Greg has complete control of the bathroom, yet only Peter has access to the hallway door.  Unfortunately, some people never mature, participating in ridiculous feuds over animals, children and possessions.  This moral decay continues today as a typical two parent family with one mom and one dad is now a minority, on the verge of becoming obsolete.  The Brady Bunch Generation has placed its stamp on American culture, embracing the imperfections so prevalent within mankind.

Genesis 31:1-2 reveals the beginning of a Brady Bunch like dispute between Laban and Jacob, whose name is later changed to Israel.  This tiff causes Jacob to flee without talking out his differences, like a child trying to run away from home in Genesis 31:17.  Laban pursues Jacob, eager to get things off his chest, Genesis 31:26.  Like a good solider, Jacob quietly waits for his turn to respond, beginning to rumble like a volcano ready to blow, Genesis 31:35-42.  Previously afraid of confrontation, Jacob releases his feelings which had been stored up for over 20 years.  Once both men had spoken their mind, this exchange sets the scene for an unique peace treaty in Genesis 31:43-55.  Instead of using tape to divide their territories, Laban and Jacob decide to use a heap of stones, creating a pillar.  This structure laid the boundary, similar to modern day property lines, agreeing not to intrude on the others’ life anymore.

This episode and biblical account reveal several great life lessons.  First, communication is crucial to maintaining peace with friends, family and neighbors.  Second, expressing your emotions allows you to let go of any grudge or resentment that you may have toward an individual.  Finally, when you bring other witnesses into your dispute, this serves as accountability down the road to prevent you from repeating the same mistake over again.  No one can ever achieve perfection, but if you give God your best, Matthew 5:48, He can make the rest of your days on earth like a story book ending, at least as good as life can get.

by Jay Mankus

The Lying Prophet

Solomon proclaims in Ecclesiastes 1:9, “there is nothing new under the sun.”  However, if you were one of the first inhabitants of the earth, you could become a trend setter.  While called a prophet by God in Genesis 20:7, lying had become an habitual sin for Abraham based upon the events of Genesis 12:10-13 and Genesis 20:1-2.  Thus, the two become one, forming the lying prophet.

If Hollywood made a modern movie about Abraham, the first film is obvious, The Indecent Proposal.  The sequel might called called Indecent Proposal II: Role Reversal.  Finally, the Trilogy would not be complete without Indecent Proposal III: You Can’t Touch This.  God allows the first 2 sins to go, yet I was curious why God intervenes in Genesis 20:4-7.  Then, it struck me, if Abimelech did consecrate his marriage to Sarah, Abimelech could claim the child was his.  To avoid a Jerry Springer like scene, God forbids intercourse, keeping Sarah pure, leaving no doubt that Abraham was the father of Isaac in the coming months.

One of my theories I have developed over time is that Genesis 22:1-14 is punishment for Abraham’s continued disobedience.  If Abraham would have relied on God and not his own human nature, this test would not have been necessary.  However, since Abraham struggled with yielding full control of his life over to the Lord, this trial forced Abraham to place his trust solely in God.  Despite the victory in Genesis 22:12, Abraham passes on the generational sin of lying on to his son, Genesis 26:7-8.  Wherever you are in your spiritual life today, be careful about the legacy you pass on to your children.  Don’t be a lying prophet.  Rather, set your mind on things above, Colossians 3:1-4, so that the seeds you sow on earth may sway others toward eternal life in heaven.

by Jay Mankus

Here We Go Again

In a recent blog, I referenced Abram as the mastermind behind the first indecent proposal.  Genesis 12:15 suggests Sarai was taken to be the wife of Pharaoh.  This was such a bad idea that just 4 chapters later in Genesis 16:1-2, Sarai requests a role reversal.  Whenever individuals rely on their own logic instead of God’s guidance, they start sliding down the slippery slope of sin.  So here we go again, committing the same act as before.

One of the things I have learned from being married nearly 20 years is sometimes woman want to verbalize their feelings.  Upon hearing their spouse, men on the other hand, want to fix or problem solve.  Therefore, when Sarai shares her idea with Abram, you can make an assumption that she is simply clearing the air about how she felt when forced to wed Pharaoh.  Instead of further discussing this matter, Abram appears too willing to volunteer, jumping into action.  Like modern premarital arrangements, couples often take the plunge without contemplating how compromise affects the human soul.  God said, “let the two become one” Genesis 2:24, not uniting three with one.  The apostle Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 in case anyone forgot about Hagar.

God initially made life on earth easy with only one rule to adhere to, Genesis 2:16-17.  However, Eve got curious, Adam fell asleep on the job and neither took responsibility for their decision.  Here we go again as mankind continues to relive the same mistakes of the past.  In the game of life, all God truly desires is obedience, but Satan in Genesis 3:1 plants a seed of doubt within the human mind, “did God really say that?”  Each time you fall short of God’s glory, Romans 3:23, it’s like Adam or Eve in the garden all over again.  Don’t pull a Hagar by quickly giving into temptation.  Rather, watch out for any harmful cycle or sinful pattern that may currently exist.  If you’re not careful, you might be the next one to say, “here we go again!”

by Jay Mankus

Inquiring Minds Want Answers

One of the most difficult tasks I have ever been assigned was trying to teach Junior High students the Bible for 5 years.  If I wrote down all the questions asked during my lectures, I could have written a thorough sex ed curriculum.  While some of my students were simply trying to waste time, others asked great questions that needed a reply.  When inquiring minds want answers, those in authority or leadership positions must feed these hungry souls.

As I started to read the Old Testament again, memories of these questions reverberated within my mind.  Once deemed foolish, I am beginning to share a similar interest into the mysteries of the Bible.  For example, why is nakedness now equated with shame, Genesis 2:25?  Did Cain marry his sister, Genesis 4:17 or did God created other females beside Eve, Genesis 5:1-2?  Does Genesis 4:10 explain the concept of ghosts, haunted houses and dead spirits which still dwell on certain properties?  Finally, does Genesis 6:1-4 refer to aliens, fallen angels or mixed marriages between giants and normal human beings?

I wish I could answer these questions with a sense of certainty and clarity, but I can’t.  Theologians vary, debating these and other topics for centuries.  All I can do is provide my best guess based upon my years of study and training.

1) Marriage is a sacred covenant that you make to another man or woman.  Once you consecrate this bond, there should be no shame among one another.

2) Based upon the time line of Leviticus 18, it appears God allowed intermarriage initially until the population of Israel was large enough.  Once written and communicated by Moses, this type of act was prohibited.

3) Since Jesus and his disciple use the term ghost throughout all 4 gospels, it appears that ghosts and spirits did exist by the first century.  Therefore, the growing accounts of paranormal activity today suggest what happened to Abel certainty does occur.

4) Before answering this final question, Genesis 6:1-4 is one of the most controversial passages in the Bible.  If you link the great pyramids of Egypt, the great wall of China and other architectural wonders of the world, some credit this advanced knowledge to either aliens or fallen angels.  However, the Tower of Babel is erected due to an one world language, making nothing impossible for mankind according to Genesis 11:3-6.  Thus, like many mysteries, you will have to wait until the after life to know for sure.

As inquiring minds send me more questions, I will try my best to answer each from a biblical perspective.  Continue to following the words of 1 Thessalonians 5:21-22, testing everything you hear or read with the Bible.

by Jay Mankus

Finally Home

Movies with a happy ending often bring a tear to my eyes.  However, in life, sometimes people give up hope of living happily ever after.  As individuals struggle to keep a good paying job, marriages are suffering, on the verge of fading.  The matrimony vows of for better or for worse are usually forgotten, erased from memories when things don’t turn out for the good.

Until yesterday, I was worried about myself, my home and where my family and I would live in the future.  With bleak, broken dreams and disappointment on the horizon, my life was on the verge of collapse.  Crying out to the Lord day after day, God finally answered my prayers yesterday.  Lost, displaced and unsure if I would ever find a new occupational home, I now have a sense I am finally home with Amazon.

Like the peace of Christ mentioned in Philippians 4:6-7, God has released all my burdens, concerns and worries about finances.  Psalm 130:3-4 expresses the joy one receives when forgiven, staked to a new homestead and leash on life.  Nothing in the Bible illustrates this point more than Luke 15:17-24, the conclusion of the prodigal son.  Like this immature child, everyone makes mistakes, poor decisions and acts selfishly.  However, there is a God in heaven, waiting on the front porch for your return.  Come to your senses now so that you will experience the pleasure of finally being home!

by Jay Mankus

Caught in the Middle

Children can become casualties of war, caught in the middle of their parent’s divorce.  As a teacher, I’ve seen this far too often, with kids used as pawns to make the other spouse jealous.  Maybe this explains Jesus’ tone within Matthew 18:1-9, a warning to all adults to insure their actions do not lead a little one astray.

As a friend, its not uncommon to be caught in the middle of infighting.  Gossip, slander and half truths are the usual suspects, aimed at swaying you to their side of the argument.  Unfortunately, playing favorites is easy to fall prey to, something the pagans of Jesus’ day indulged, Matthew 5:46-47.  Yet, God expects Christians to possess higher standards, Matthew 5:48, striving for perfection in Christ, Philippians 4:13.

Casting Crowns addresses this issue in their song Somewhere in the Middle.  From their The Altar and the Door album, Casting Crowns sings about the ongoing tug of war that exists within each soul.  The disciple Peter and the author of Hebrews highlight this dilemma of being in the world, 1 Peter 2:11-12, yet called to look beyond this present world, Hebrews 12:1-2.  Thus, as you find yourself caught in the middle of right and wrong, remember the apostle Paul’s words in Romans 12:1-2 so that you will conform to God’s ways!

by Jay Mankus

The Real Smooth Operator

During the summer of 1984, the English group Sade released the song Smooth Operator, reaching #5 on the Billboard Hot 100 Chart for 2 weeks.  The distinct voice of Sade Adu has etched a place in history for this song, a classic which highlights the unique sounds of the 1980’s.  While modern commercial studs, movie stars and players try to claim this crown, there is only one Smooth Operator, Jesus of Nazareth.

According to Mark 12:13-15, the religious police came after Jesus, pulling out all their stunts to find a way to arrest him.  In Act I, found in Mark 12:15-17, Jesus faces off with the Pharisees and Herodians, thirsty for blood ever since Mark 3:6.  These two religious groups attempt to force Jesus into a corner where he either breaks Roman law, not paying taxes to Caesar or refuses to respect the proper temple tax.  Celebrating too earlier, Jesus asks for a coin, answers both questions, leaving a jaw dropping response in Mark 12:17.

Act II begins in Mark 12:18-27 with a group known as the Sadducees, who do not believe in the resurrection of the dead.  Thus, one of their zealots poses a hypothetical question, hoping to stump and or trick Jesus into giving an unbiblical reply.  Likely yawning, thinking, “is that the best you’ve got,” Jesus quickly disposes these morons.  Toying with their minds, Jesus clarifies their flawed logic by explaining there is no marriage in heaven and Oh by the way, Moses served the God of the living, not the dead.

On fire now, burning through his competition, Act III rolls out one final expert to duel Jesus, a teacher of the law, Mark 12:28-39.  Playing pin the tail on the donkey, this teacher thinks he can get Jesus to de-emphasize one of the 10 commandments, Exodus 20:1-17.  Instead, Jesus divides the commandments God gave to Moses in 2 classifications: 1-4 focus on loving God, 6-10 require loving your neighbor as yourself.  By loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and following the golden rule, individuals can insure that they will keep all 10 commandments.  Astonished by his wisdom, this teacher of the law is nearly converted by Jesus in Mark 12:34.  After this, no one else dared to ask Jesus another question, proving once and for all, He is the real smooth operator!

by Jay Mankus

Distorted Love

Saint Valentine served as a Roman priest in the days of Emperor Claudis II, living during the mid to late second century.  While multiple sources can’t agree on the exact year of his death, all point to February 14th as the day he was beheaded.  For what you may ask?  When Claudis made a decree to ban marriage, Valentine secretly married young couples to keep the covenant of marriage alive.  After receiving a beating similar to that of Jesus, a sword placed in the hands of a gladiator ended his life.

If this is true, how did Valentine’s Day evolve into what it is today?  My researched revealed a pagan festival of love known as The Feast of Lupercalia.  Ancient birds in Rome began to mate every year in the middle of February near a cave bearing the same name.  This annual migration inspired pagans to participate in carousing, drunkenness and sexual promiscuity.   The distortion of this day is likely due to the blending and mingling of Valentine’s values on marriage with festivities of Lupercalia.

Therefore, tonight as you and your loved one celebrate a special evening together, don’t believe what you hear or see on television.  While the candy, flower and jewelry commercials are uniquely crafted, you don’t have to go to Jared to display your love.  When I proposed to my wife, I don’t have a ring; what I had was much more sentimental.  I placed the twist tie, from the first care package I received when Leanne and I were dating 8 hours a part.  When I finished these chips, I placed this in my car, a symbol of her love for me,  waiting for the perfect time to say I love you forever.  When you don’t have anything to spend, the best gift you can give is yourself!

by Jay Mankus

Missing Ingredients in Modern Marriages

Back in the 1970’s, divorce was rare, something that happened only as a result of extreme circumstances.  In fact, to the best of my recollection, the Roman Catholic Church threatened couples with excommunication if this option ever crossed their mind.  The King James Version of the Bible does not use the term reputation as our culture does today.  Instead, King Solomon encouraged people make a good name for themselves, Proverbs 22:1, to develop a good repute in their community.

In a typical wedding ceremony, there is a portion devoted to vows.  Some creative couples write their own, others follow the traditions of their denomination and most simply repeat vows first spoken by a pastor or priest.  Ecclesiastes 5:4-7 warn individuals to take their vows serious, especially ones which include “for better or for worse.”  Yet, mere words don’t hold a marriage together.  Rather, one of the missing ingredients in modern marriages is a will to love once feelings fade.

With this in mind, one of the commands Solomon gave his son is detailed in Proverbs 3:3.  Let love and faithfulness never leave you is a joint command, not to be separated.  In the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 13 is one of most popular passages read out loud during marriage ceremonies.  The original translation uses the term charity in place of love.  Thus, Solomon is introducing a concept to demonstrate charity faithfully.

The last portion of Proverbs 3:3 explains how one must carry out this command.  The term bind means to knit together, joining two pieces into one.  When a person fastens love and faithfulness to their neck, its always in their peripheral vision.  However, this still isn’t enough to save marriage.  Therefore, Solomon adds one further instruction to insure love and faithfulness endures.  If you enter, engrave or mark something mentally to remain in your heart, a will to love is born.  Follow the words of Proverbs 3:5-6 to complete these essential ingredients for a life long relationship.

by Jay Mankus