Tag Archives: raising children

Forgiven… Not Excused

One of my weakest areas as a high school teacher was consistently disciplining students by the same standards day in and day out.  When I was in a good mood, I tended to be more patient, forgiving or overlooking acts I normally confronted or punished.  Meanwhile, if I was frustrated or irritated by a previous class, the wrath of Mr. Mankus came down in full force, kicking students out of class or sending several willing participants to after school detention.  In a sense, my goal was to communicate the message, “you’re forgiven, yet not excused for your behavior.

 

As a parent, this struggle has become more complicated as my kids have grown up and become too comfortable to their laid back dad.  Whenever I try to corral them toward a desired behavior, I receive sarcasm, creating a chain of laughter at my dinner table.  Discipline is like an art form which requires discernment, firmness and a set of values to abide by.  Bribing my children doesn’t work as well as it once was, spanking only worked when they were younger and yelling is too exhausting.  Although I am imperfect, all I can do is strive to live out Proverbs 22:6, proclaiming, “you’re forgiven by not excused from your actions.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waY7YM34N5U

John 8:1-11 contains a woman whose hand in caught in the cookie jar of sin.  Before the days of judges and juries, the religious leaders were old school, taking action right away.  Interrupting Jesus’ teaching, the Pharisees were eager to apply the law of Moses, seeking the death penalty for the adulterer.  Thinking of his journey to the cross, Jesus turned his attention to perfection, looking for the guiltless to pick up the first stone.  Writing down the sins of the people in the crowd in the sand, the accusers leave one by one, dropping their rocks on their way home.  Although the crowd fled, Jesus didn’t let the woman off easy.  John 8:11 implies once you ask God for forgiveness, an act of contrition is necessary.  Jesus loves you just the way you are, but cares enough to move you beyond sin.  Therefore, the next time you receive forgiveness, God expects genuine repentance, turning 180 degrees toward Him, leaving sinful ways in the rear view mirror.

by Jay Mankus

The Envy of Cain

When envy is present within the hearts and minds of individuals, jealousy usually isn’t far off.  Envy and jealousy often feed off of one another breeding the other feeling.  Envy arises deep inside the human soul, aroused by someone else’s material possessions, personality or unique gifts resulting in a spirit of discontent and resentment.  On the other  hand, jealousy is the emotion one experiences when someone thinks they are about to be replaced by the flavor of the month, leading to apprehension and fear.  This is where you find Cain within the pages of Genesis 4.

Cain was the prized baby, the first born boy on planet earth.  As an infant, his mom and dad waited on every cry and whimper.  Like modern parents returning from a hospital, both are clueless, not sure how to handle or respond to this new creature who has entered their life.  As for Cain, every thing was peachy keen until Abel arrived onto the scene.  Cain was now longer the main attraction, forced to share time with his baby brother.  If this wasn’t enough to bear, Cain realized how much harder farming was compared to shepherding, Abel’s occupation.  Then, God had to go and play favorites, rejecting Cain’s weak offering, but extremely pleased by the fat portions brought by Abel, Genesis 4:3-5.  These ingredients conceived the envy of Cain.

Before I studied the definitions of envy and jealousy, I never imagined either of these 2 acts of the sinful nature, Galatians 5:19-21, stirred inside my heart.  However, as I read the numerous definitions and examples of each on the internet, I saw signs of the envy of Cain within me.  Whether you are a coach, teacher or hard working employee, there is always someone quicker, smarter and more appealing than you.  Thus, you need to learn to be content in the areas God has gifted you.  If you don’t, you are giving the devil an open door for the envy of Cain to reside within you, Ephesians 4:25-27.  Therefore, lean on the the grace, forgiveness and mercy of God to purge yourself of any traces of envy or jealousy.

by Jay Mankus

Boy Have Times Changed

There was a time, not so long ago that women were judged by how many children they gave birth to and how each one behaved in public.  However, now with the advent of the Intelligent Woman, the new normal is foregoing parenthood, pursuing a career and enjoying life without the hassle of children.  While the western world is buying into this notion, Islamic women are averaging 6 children per household.  If this trend continues, Islam will gradually take over the earth’s population as the baby boomer generation passes on and modern families having just one to two per babies home.

As I read about the establishment of the 12 tribes of Israel, 4 woman took part.  Because Jacob loved Rachel more, Leah is blessed to have the first 4 children: Reuben, Simeon, Levi and Judah.  Unable to have children, Rachel offers Bilhah, her maid servant to Jacob, bearing Dan and Naphtali.  Attempting to one up her sister, Leah offers Jacob her maid servant, as Zilpah gives birth to Gad and Asher.  Like a cat fight from the past, Genesis 30:14-16 reveals how Jacob is caught in the middle.  Submitting to the promise made to her sister, Leah has 2 more children through Jacob, Issachur and Zebulun.  Desperate for a child of her own, God opens Rachel womb to have Joseph in Genesis 30:22-24.

Unfortunately, children are the legacy parents leave behind.  Although one may enjoy a life without children, your name and your hard work will vanish over time.  Therefore, don’t buy into this selfish concept.  Be open to the person God designed you to be so that your offspring will multiple the earth.  Impress God’s word upon any children that you are fortunate to have, Deuteronomy 6:6-9, so that when you are gone, each may follow in the footsteps of Christ!

by Jay Mankus

Lost Lips

“I can’t believe I just said that,” occurs more and more in today’s society.  While working in Philadelphia nearly 15 years ago, I became a regular in an establishment in Bensalem, 30 minutes north of downtown, passing time during my hour long lunch break.  An older couple sat in their usual perch, spewing venom, cursing like sailors day in and day out.  Four letter words echoed throughout this restaurant, regardless if innocent ears were present or not.

In most cases, individuals are shaped by their parents or guardians, with the good, bad and ugly sprinkled in together.  Right and wrong is determined over time as one’s worldview draws the lines in the sand.  Those positive traits passed on to children, inspire kids to cling to and acquire these attributes.  Meanwhile, the bad habits demonstrated by misguided souls are left behind, at least as much as one can flee before their natures became ingrained within you.  Lost lips just don’t appear out of the blue, its a lifelong journey of picking up unwholesome slang deemed acceptable by peers.

The Psalmist provides a cure for this disease, a prescription to heal this ailment.  Psalm 119:13 suggest a spiritual washing your mouth out with soap.  Instead of regurgitating poisonous words, replace lost lips with the Words of the Bible.  As you recount God’s laws, blessings will replace any curses that you once verbalized.  Though your current state of affairs might be summed up as lost lips, there is a God in heaven who wants to transform your vocabulary, Ephesians 5:4.  Therefore, be wise, making the most of every conversation you partake in, Ephesians 5:15-16.

by Jay Mankus

Enjoying the Moment

Fifteen years ago this month, I became a first time father.  When you leave the hospital together, there are many firsts: outfit, crib, binky, blanket and so on.  Some where along the way, time seems to speed up, as parents lose track of days, weeks, months and even years trying to keep up with their growing children.  Two children later, I have forgotten to enjoy each and every moment with my wife and kids.

Part of adulthood is taking on more responsibility, working harder than ever to feed ever increasing appetites.  Often, this results in parents missing a game, concert or memorable moment in the lives of your children.  This double edged sword cuts to the heart, leaving a family starving at the dinner table or void of the happiness of time well spent together.  Though opinions vary, the days between birth and graduation are valuable, with opportunities to shape and train your child in the way they should go, Proverbs 22:6.

With this in mind, I am wrestling between 2 destinies, one of wealth and the other, regret.  Now I know what the apostle Paul meant by his words in Philippians 3:20-21.  As a citizen bound for heaven, the rat race of life has carved a hole in my heart, tired of the superficial aspects on life on earth.  Yet, on the flip side, I need to have the mindset of James 4:13-14.  Before the sun sets on this day, evaporating time, I am going to be still, Psalm 46:10, enjoying the moments while I am still a resident on earth.

by Jay Mankus

Loose Lips Sink Ships

In the 1900’s, American families for the most part shared a common parenting trait.  Either mom, dad or both parents reminded children weekly of the motto, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t open your mouth.”  While variations of this expression existed, the heart of the matter involves the biblical principle inside of Ephesians 4:29.  Just of loose lips sink ships, unwholesome words directed at another individual grieves the Holy Spirit according to Ephesians 4:30.

As a parent of 3 children, each 3 years apart, siblings rivalries are alive in my household whether I like it or not.  Sarcasm, teasing and untimely words are a daily threat to tear down self esteem, self confidence and a spiritual connection with God.  Therefore, it is essential for parents to remind their children of passages like Proverbs 14:3.  When a child or student can associate or tie their words directly to a specific punishment, wisdom might be found before its too late or before their own ship sinks.

Jesus’ own brother James, highlights the power of words in his letter to Christian’s scattered throughout the world following Nero’s persecution in the 60’s AD.  James 3:3-6 magnifies the force of a word, comparing the tongue with fire.  Like Smokey the Bear in his public service announcements airing as commercials, “only you can prevent verbal forest fires!”  As Facebook, Twitter and other outlets of social media continue to explode, make sure you practice self-discipline before you press send.  If not, you could be the next Manti Te’O.  Therefore, tighten the reigns of your own tongue before loose lips result in another titanic disaster.

by Jay Mankus