Since Thursday afternoon at 5pm, my life has been a whirlwind of emotions. After a successful second interview at Amazon on Wednesday, I sensed a promotion in the near future, trying to stayed reserved until I hear the news. A little more than 24 hours later, my focus switched toward a battle to live, unable to stand or breath on my own. One second I felt like I was having a heart attack, the next a CAT Scan revealed a pocket of blood around my lungs and liver.
For the past 3 days, I have had a tube sucking the blood out of these 2 areas trying to prevent infection. Until this improves, I am in limbo, getting stronger, but still waiting on my internal bleeding to stop. Unfortunately, my body is not healing as quick as it use to in the days of my youth. Thus, life has been put on hold temporarily, in God’s hand and in His time as I wrestle with the Fraility of the human heart.
God has taught me a subtle lesson these past few days, He’s in control no matter what I try to do. Though I usually try to speculate about the future, I am helpless, trusting in God’s grace to get me through this ordeal. Sooner or later, my odds of improvement increase, yet the Lord knows the next steps that I will take. As for now, time is the enemy, placing me behind where I want to be as the reality of life’s fraility has come crashing through the front door of my heart.
by Jay Mankus
ExpressYourself4Him 