Tag Archives: narcissist

Who’s Fooling Who?

Have you ever blamed someone for misplacing your keys? If not, have you ever accused someone in your household of throwing out one of your prized possessions only to find it where you moved it moments later? You don’t have to be old to experience a senior moment of forgetfulness. I once received a new security badge for work only to find the one I put on earlier in the day under my hoodie that was still on me. Embarrassing moments like this set the tone for who is fooling who?

Why did you flee secretly and cheat me and did not tell me, so that I might have sent you away with joy and gladness and with singing, with tambourine and lyre? 28 And why did you not permit me to kiss my sons [grandchildren] and my daughters good-bye? Now you have done foolishly [in behaving like this]. 29 It is in my power to do you harm; but the God of your father spoke to me last night, saying, Be careful that you do not speak from good to bad to Jacob [peaceably, then violently]. 30 And now you felt you must go because you were homesick for your father’s house, but why did you steal my [household] [c]gods? – Genesis 31:27-30

Today’s featured passage contains a whodunit. Since Jacob was often out in the field tending to Laban’s livestock, it wasn’t unusual to not see Jacob for a day or two. However, when Laban realized that images of his household gods were missing, he jumped to the conclusion that Jacob must have stolen these gods and taken off for good. Since Moses kind of describes Laban as a modern-day narcissist, Laban pre-conceived notion makes sense.

Then Jacob became angry and reproached and argued with Laban. And Jacob said to Laban, What is my fault? What is my sin, that you so hotly pursued me? 37 Although you have searched and felt through all my household possessions, what have you found of all your household goods? Put it here before my brethren and yours, that they may judge and decide between us. 38 These twenty years I have been with you; your ewes and your she-goats have not lost their young, and the rams of your flock have not been eaten by me. 39 I did not bring you [the carcasses of the animals] torn by wild beasts; I bore the loss of it; you required of me [to make good] all that was stolen, whether it occurred by day or by night, Genesis 31:36-39.

Moses’ description of Laban’s search party to find his missing gods is more like a calvary. When Laban’s group overtakes Jacob’s family caravan, he skips any small talk and goes right to the heart of the matter. Following Laban’s comprehensive search, no stolen items are located. Subsequently, as Jacob rolls his eyes, frustration brews over resulting in an exchange like, “who’s fooling who?” From Jacob’s perspective, Laban is the thief who switched his wages ten times, receiving less and less money. In view of this tense conversation, remember that you reap what you sow, Galatians 6:7-8.

by Jay Mankus

Grow Up Old Man

One Old Testament Bible verse that I was introduced to in college has made a major impact in my life. King Solomon writes in Proverbs 27:17 “as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Solomon points to accountability and the need for Christians to have mentors in their lives. If you don’t have anyone to challenge you or highlight any of your flaws, you’re less likely to change.

I have been twenty years in your house. I served you fourteen years for your two daughters and six years for your flocks; and you have changed my wages ten times. 42 And if the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Dread [lest he should fall] and Fear [lest he offend] of Isaac, had not been with me, surely you would have sent me away now empty-handed. God has seen my affliction and humiliation and the [wearying] labor of my hands and rebuked you last night. 43 Laban answered Jacob, These daughters are my daughters, these children are my children, these flocks are my flocks, and all that you see is mine. But what can I do today to these my daughters or to their children whom they have borne? – Genesis 31:41-43

During a heated discussion between Jacob and his father-in-law, there is a suggestion made by Moses in the passage above. While Laban was brought into Jacob’s life to teach him a valuable life lesson, “you reap what you sow,” he attempts to urge his father-in-law to grow up. Unfortunately, it’s hard to convince any narcissist that they themselves have done anything wrong.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have become a man, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside, 1 Corinthians 13:11.

The apostle Paul provides one of the best pieces of advice about growing up spiritually. The context of this chapter is centered around charity, loving others by giving back. However, children get so consumed by temporary needs that most lose sight of the needs of others. If you ever reach a point in life where your faith is stagnant, this is probably a sign that you need to grow old by putting aside your childish ways, Colossians 3:12-14.

by Jay Mankus

Are You Willfully Living Outside of God’s Will?

A stubborn and determined intention to do as one wants, regardless of the consequences is consistent with someone who possesses a willful personality. Similar to a narcissist, willful acts are deliberate, with an excessive interest on themselves. Like any bad habit, the further you deviate and go off on your own, the more difficult it becomes to yield control to someone else. This might explain why some Christians are still willfully living outside of God’s will.

And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), so that when it fails, they [those you have favored] may receive and welcome you into the everlasting habitations (dwellings). 10 He who is faithful in a very little [thing] is faithful also in much, and he who is dishonest and unjust in a very little [thing] is dishonest and unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the [case of] unrighteous mammon (deceitful riches, money, possessions), who will entrust to you the true riches? – Luke 16:9-11

The college years tend to be the most difficult period for Christians to hold on to faith, especially when you attend a secular college or university. As for me, I was like a teeter totter, going up and down and back and forth. After abandoning God my first semester to explore the party scene, I made Jesus the Lord of my life at a retreat during winter session. At least I thought I did until each summer was spent drifting and slipping away, going clubbing on the Flats in downtown Cleveland every weekend.

For He foreordained us (destined us, planned in love for us) to be adopted (revealed) as His own children through Jesus Christ, in accordance with the purpose of His will [because it pleased Him and was His kind intent]—Ephesians 1:5

This sinful cycle finally came to an end my senior year of college, after breaking my ankle while playing sand volleyball. Stuck in bed my finally two weeks of that summer, I reached my spiritual point of no return. Sick of my lukewarm faith, the Clash song Should I Stay of Should I Go describes the thoughts rushing through my head. After days of contemplation and prayer, I ended 4 years of willfully living outside of God’s will. Reminded of a song from a Lay Witness Mission that I attended in college, the following words confirmed my decision, “I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.”

by Jay Mankus

Deep Darkness

The title deep darkness suggests a place exists that is so dark, pitch black, that no one can see.  Typically, an evening sky provides moon light or stars in the country to help the human eye to adjust to the night.  On the other hand, Solomon who coins this term may be referring to a spiritual condition.

But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble, Proverbs 4:19.

A narcissist is defined as an individual who is excessive in their self-absorption.  This character trait tends to be egocentric, extremely independent and wrapped up with one’s self.  Perhaps the passage above inspired C.S. Lewis to create a state known as diabolical pride.  Those who reach this phase in life are blinded from reality, unable to recognize that which is causing them to stumble.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it, Proverbs 4:23.

According to Solomon, the key to escaping deep darkness involves placing a shield of faith around your heart.  The apostle Paul takes a different approach, calling for the breastplate of righteousness in Ephesians 6.  In view of the powers of darkness that are a clear and present danger, the human heart is the last line of defense.  Once poisoned, souls begin to embrace evil.  Thus, the only way to overcome deep darkness is through the light of Christ.  Take measures today to safe guard yourself with the Sword of the Spirit to ward off future attacks and temptations that seek to lure you back into deep darkness.

by Jay Mankus