Tag Archives: marriage

Missing Ingredients in Modern Marriages

Back in the 1970’s, divorce was rare, something that happened only as a result of extreme circumstances.  In fact, to the best of my recollection, the Roman Catholic Church threatened couples with excommunication if this option ever crossed their mind.  The King James Version of the Bible does not use the term reputation as our culture does today.  Instead, King Solomon encouraged people make a good name for themselves, Proverbs 22:1, to develop a good repute in their community.

In a typical wedding ceremony, there is a portion devoted to vows.  Some creative couples write their own, others follow the traditions of their denomination and most simply repeat vows first spoken by a pastor or priest.  Ecclesiastes 5:4-7 warn individuals to take their vows serious, especially ones which include “for better or for worse.”  Yet, mere words don’t hold a marriage together.  Rather, one of the missing ingredients in modern marriages is a will to love once feelings fade.

With this in mind, one of the commands Solomon gave his son is detailed in Proverbs 3:3.  Let love and faithfulness never leave you is a joint command, not to be separated.  In the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 13 is one of most popular passages read out loud during marriage ceremonies.  The original translation uses the term charity in place of love.  Thus, Solomon is introducing a concept to demonstrate charity faithfully.

The last portion of Proverbs 3:3 explains how one must carry out this command.  The term bind means to knit together, joining two pieces into one.  When a person fastens love and faithfulness to their neck, its always in their peripheral vision.  However, this still isn’t enough to save marriage.  Therefore, Solomon adds one further instruction to insure love and faithfulness endures.  If you enter, engrave or mark something mentally to remain in your heart, a will to love is born.  Follow the words of Proverbs 3:5-6 to complete these essential ingredients for a life long relationship.

by Jay Mankus

A Wedding Day Prayer

Seventeen years ago today, I vowed to marry Leanne Marie Wagner.  Since Leanne comes from a big family, our wedding was planned around her families every other year Thanksgiving family reunion in Illinois.  Despite both of us serving in youth ministry leading up to our engagement, Pastor Shawk would not agree to marry us unless we partook in 9 months of pre-marriage counseling.  St. Matthew’s Lutheran Church in Barrington, Illinois didn’t mess around, taking marriage seriously.

Prior to our wedding day, I was only in charge of one thing, the music.  While our DJ from Indiana had most of his equipment stolen a few weeks before the reception, God provided enough music to last the entire reception.  To make his life easier, I created a mix of all the songs for special occasions.  At the wedding, our good friend Matt Shepherdson, worship leader for Axis, a Gen X ministry of Willow Creek Community Church at the time sang one of 2 solos, Perfect Love by David and the Giants.  The other solo was sung by my best friend in youth ministry at that time, Phil McMurry singing All the Darkness by Steve Wiggins, the lead singer for Big Tent Revival.  Since Leanne and I both enjoy Christmas music, we decided to conclude our wedding with Joy to the World.

Before the wedding, God impressed upon me a wedding day prayer that was printed on the inside of our wedding bulletin.  Since I had already seen some divorces from friends from high school, I wanted to make sure that our vows lasted forever.  Below is this prayer.

When the high emotions of our wedding are over and the thrill of the honeymoon is gone, all that remains in the will of two people in the Lord and hard work.  With time, each of our imperfections will rise to the surface, showing themselves daily.  There will be failed expectations, broken promises and disappointment in our hearts.  Even when two people are in love, marriage can fail.  However, there is a perfect love, a love which never fails nor disappoints.  This love is found through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

As Leanne and I begin to recognize our own imperfections, we must look to Jesus for help.  We can try to change, yet only Jesus can transform our imperfections.  Therefore, we rely on Christ for our source of strength.  For His LOVE is perfecting our weaknesses so that we may learn how to love one another the way God intended for us in the Bible.  This is perfect love!

by Jay Mankus

p.s. – I want to thank Leanne for enduring with me all these years.  Both of us have experienced hardships over the past few years, hanging on to the Lord through these storms!  As Steven Curtis Chapman sings, I will go there with go!  For always and forever!