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The Bible’s Version of “U Can’t Touch This”

MC Hammer released the album Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em in 1990. MC Hammer’s break through song was U Can’t Touch This. This song reached number one on the Billboard Hot Rap Songs Chart and number eight on the Billboard Hot 100 List. Back in the age of FM Radio, songs from the same album were released months apart. Subsequently, Hammer’s second smash hit Pray reached number one in November of 1990. The success of this album led to three separate awards: Top Singles Artist, Artist of the Year and Artist of the Decade.

If then you have died with Christ to material ways of looking at things and have escaped from the world’s crude and elemental notions and teachings of externalism, why do you live as if you still belong to the world? [Why do you submit to rules and regulations?—such as] – Colossians 2:20

While reading a chapter written by the apostle Paul, I stumbled upon the Bible’s version of You Can’t Touch This. Paul is laying the foundation for Colossians 3 as he wraps up Colossians 2. Apparently, many first century Christians were living double lives. Despite a confession of faith and public baptism, members of the church at Colosse were still acting like they belong to the world. Paul blames this spiritual slide on elemental notions, teachings on externalism and worldly influences.

Do not handle [this], Do not taste [that], Do not even touch [them], 22 Referring to things all of which perish with being used. To do this is to follow human precepts and doctrines, Colossians 2:21-22.

In a letter to a teenager pastor, Paul compares gossip to gangrene spreading through a human body, 2 Timothy 2:17. In this age of social distancing, gossip still acts as a spiritual poison whether you’re wearing a mask or not. However, Paul expands this do not touch list in Colossians 3:5-9. Paul provides a similar list for Christians in Galatia struggling with the same problem, Galatians 5:16-21. If you want to emulate Christ by imitating God, don’t touch the addictions, cravings and desires of your past, Ephesians 5:1-6.

by Jay Mankus

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