Tag Archives: control freak

Don’t Be That Diotrephes

Don’t be that guy is an expression that spread into the conversations of large gatherings a decade ago. This is what you say to someone who is annoying, preforming an act of stupidity or just plain lameness. While reading a letter written by one of Jesus’ former disciples, John mentions an individual who was stubborn. Despite being a member of Jesus’ inner circle, Diotrephes ignored John’s advice and input.

I have written briefly to the church; but Diotrephes, who likes to take the lead among them and put himself first, does not acknowledge my authority and refuses to accept my suggestions or to listen to me, 3 John 1:9.

A pet peeve is something that a particular person finds especially annoying. This could be any act, behavior, practice or quirk that simply gets underneath your skin. While the disciple whom Jesus loved is an old man at the time this letter was written, John is looking for a little respect. The same kind of courtesy that Colonel Nathan R. Jessup was looking for in A Few Good Men.

So when I arrive, I will call attention to what he is doing, his boiling over and casting malicious reflections upon us with insinuating language. And not satisfied with that, he refuses to receive and welcome the [missionary] brethren himself, and also interferes with and forbids those who would welcome them, and tries to expel (excommunicate) them from the church, 3 John 1:10.

Based upon the context of 3 John, Diotrephes was a control freak or as some may say today, a legend in their own mind. Whenever anyone feels like they have arrived, minds become full of narcissism. This is what likely prevented Diotrephes from being open and teachable. Remember that success is the process of arriving as learning on earth never stops. Therefore, don’t that guy or modern-day Diotrephes.

by Jay Mankus

Use Guidance… Not Coercion

As a former teacher, I understand why some people may opt for coercion over guidance. Whenever an adult loses control of a classroom, the practice of persuading children to do something by force or threats is used as an act of desperation. After taking a Classroom Management graduate level course, I learned that students need structure. When you clarify your expectations and demonstrate a gentle but firm spirit, coercion is not necessary.

Tend (nurture, guard, guide, and fold) the flock of God that is [your responsibility], not by coercion or constraint, but willingly; not dishonorably motivated by the advantages and profits [belonging to the office], but eagerly and cheerfully; 1 Peter 5:2.

When I read and study the Bible, I see a big contrast between Jesus and the religious leaders of the first century. Jesus lived his life like a shepherd tending a large flock of sheep. Rather than oversee his disciples like a control freak, Jesus demonstrated how he wanted his followers to live their lives. Meanwhile, the Pharisees used God’s commandments, decrees and principles to coerce sinners into following religious practices.

Not domineering [as arrogant, dictatorial, and overbearing persons] over those in your charge, but being examples (patterns and models of Christian living) to the flock (the congregation), 1 Peter 5:3.

Despite being a vocal leader, Peter understood the importance of emulating the life and patterns of Jesus. When a leader is domineering or overbearing, fear and peer pressure is used to manipulate other people. This is all exercised and laid out to achieve a desired outcome. Yet, rarely do these leaders consider if this is what Lord wants. While the addressing the Church at Galatia, the apostle Paul compares this style of leadership with witchcraft, Galatians 3:1-2. In view of this, may the Holy Spirit convince you to focus on guidance and not coercion.

by Jay Mankus