Tag Archives: building up others

It’s Not What You Say, but How You Say It

It doesn’t take much for a coach, parent or teacher to get under a teenager’s skin.  Sometimes the tone chosen is demeaning.  Others come across as pompous or smug, alienating the individual they are talking to.  Meanwhile, impatient adults have a tendency to take out their frustrations upon young people, creating an even greater generational gap.  This disconnect proves that it’s not always what you say, but how you say it.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear, Ephesians 4:29.

When you are reading a book, sometimes the context of previous events isn’t a hundred percent clear.  Thus, you are forced to go back to make sure you haven’t missed anything important.  In the passage above, you have to understand who Saul was before he changed his name to Paul.  This former Pharisee was a perfectionist, critical by nature, eager to point out flaws.  Therefore, the words Paul choses serves as a reminder to himself and his leaders within the church at Ephesus to focus on the positive, not the negative.

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control, 2 Timothy 1:7.

While writing a letter to a teenager, Paul reveals an important truth about the Holy Spirit.  Although the world tends to emphasize imperfections, staying optimistic isn’t impossible.  Rather, one of the fruits of God’s spirit is self-control, the discipline to control your own tongue.  The language you choose to express daily is a conscious decision.  Unfortunately, many don’t realize the power of words.  Every coarse joke, put down and sarcastic remark influences others in a negative manner.  Therefore, make sure the next time you open your mouth, you think before speaking for it’s not what you say, but how you say it.

by Jay Mankus

 

When Loose Lips Sink Relationships

One of Billy Joel’s most profound songs Honesty debuted on the airways in 1979.  Part of the 1978 album 52nd Street, the chorus of this ballad suggests honesty is such a lonely word.  Perhaps, Billy Joel was on to something, prophetic, sharing a glimpse of what the future would hold.  Before gun or fist fights, human beings often talked out their differences, no matter how heated a conversation got.  Unfortunately, in this age of Facebook, texting and Twitter, loose lips expressed on social media can sink relationships.

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! – Psalm 141:3

Depending upon your personality, you will either seek confrontation or run away.  Texting has emboldened some former cowards by avoiding face to face encounters.  Yet, what is posted, typed or shared can create a wedge between friends.  Politics, religion and worldviews are factors that tend to divide neighborhoods.  When opinions are openly expressed on these topics, loose lips sink relationships.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear, Ephesians 4:29.

The apostle Paul provides a solution to those who have fractured relationships due to careless words.  Sure, all human beings are imperfect, prone to moments of weakness where the choice of language is inappropriate.  In view of this, the more positive you remain, the less likely you will offend friends and strangers.  Faking this will prove to be a waste of time so its essentially to be genuine and honest.  While no one will ever be 100% encouraging all the time, this is the goal to restore formerly loose lips to repair relationships.

by Jay Mankus

 

 

Saving the Best for Now

Attending weddings are often a family affair, seeing relatives that you’ve only heard stories of or seeing others you haven’t seen for years.  Whether you are on the bride or groom side, marriage is meant to publicly celebrate the union between a husband and a wife, where two individuals become one flesh, Matthew 19:4-6.  Although not mentioned in John 2:1-11, the rabbi overseeing the proceeding likely quotes Genesis 2:24 during the vows portion of the wedding in Cana that Jesus and his family attended.

Based upon the accounts in chapter 1, only 6 disciples had been selected by Jesus, with 6 more to complete his ministry team.  This passage also suggests Joseph, Mary’s husband and Jesus’ earthly father had been dead for sometime.  The final piece of the puzzle insinuates that Mary is a close acquaintance to the parents of the bride as she is concerned about how her friend would be perceived if they ran out of wine at the reception, with some carrying on for 3-4 days.  If this is true, these elements help explain Jesus’ comment, “my time has not yet come,” Joseph’s absence from the text and Mary’s anxious reply to her son.  An observer to all of these occurrences is James, the author of the Catholic Letter and younger brother of Jesus.

Although his earthly ministry was not suppose to start yet, Jesus felt compelled to obey 5th commandment, Exodus 20:12, “honor your father and mother.”  The perfect child, Jesus calls the servants at the party to listen to his instructions, John 2:6-8.  Knowing the miracle had been done from a distance, Jesus orders the master of the banquet to receive a cup from one of the 6 stone jars, filled with water.  Remaining in the background, Jesus allows the bridegroom to take credit for the choice wine created by the son of God.  The master of the banquet refers to his sip as, “saving the best til now!”

An eyewitness of this miracle, James probably never forgot what his oldest brother had done, a special memory etched in his mind.  Perhaps James 4:13-17 is a small glimpse of the lesson God taught him in Cana.  You may love your past or can’t wait for a future event, but all that matters is the here and now.  Therefore, don’t worry about what could of or should have been and avoid the temptation of what may be.  Rather, live out Colossians 3:17 today as you save the best for now!

by Jay Mankus

Take the High Road

Wes King crafted his song Sticks and Stones to unravel the childhood saying, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me!”  While the originator of this expression was likely attempting to encourage young people to develop “thick skin” toward words, King uses a biblical approach to form his lyrics.  Quoting James 3:1-12, this skilled writer exposes the dangers words can have on your soul.  The group Fan Mail take words one step further in their song Messed Up, claiming “we all get away with murder, the things that we say could kill!”

Whether you agree with these artists or not, words just don’t roll off people’s shoulders, dropping to the ground void of any damage, harm or pain.  In fact, like a feeding frenzy, words can cause an adrenaline rush in which you can get caught up in.  The urge to throw someone under the bus, gossip about someone you don’t like or trash someone with the rest of your friends is difficult to resist.  At a recent party, God convicted me of the very thing that I despise, taking the easy road with cheap and low blows by opening my mouth.

The term class is dying breed, a lost art in this age of Facebook, Twitter and instant messages.  Instead of following the Matthew 18:15-20 principle, most wimp out, hanging their dirty language out in the open for all to see.  Whether you like Andy Reid or not, former NFL head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles for 14 seasons, he consistently protected his players during post-game press conferences even if some played like dogs.  Thus, its time for me and others in the body of Christ to grow up spiritually.  Join me in my quest during 2013 to take the high road, declining to focus on the negative by dwelling on wholesome words which are helpful in building up others, Ephesians 4:29-30.

by Jay Mankus